whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
