i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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