John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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