Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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