I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
