just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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