what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
