it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
