The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Randomize
