I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
