I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
