I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
