I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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