so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
