Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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