If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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