fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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