i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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