I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
