They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
