You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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