I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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