I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
