Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
