alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
