I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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