Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
