New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
