haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
