how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
