Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
