I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hippo gnu deer
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
