on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Found your dick twin last night
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
