Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Man, jail baloney is awful.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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