I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
