rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
