I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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