I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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