her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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