You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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