I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
