Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
