i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
