if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
