The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
