hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
