Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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