After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
