I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
