she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
PANTIES FOUND
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
