awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
