Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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